if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
