I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
