I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
