we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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