I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
