she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
