We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
