You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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