Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
