Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
