you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
