Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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