she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
