I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
