Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
