jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
