goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
