I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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