My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
