if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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