i wish there were pregnant emoticons
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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