There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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