No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
