i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
