yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
