just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
