he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
