Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
