on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
