Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
