covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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