giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
