so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
