I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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