A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
