i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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