don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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