Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
