took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
