the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
