Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
