In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
