I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
