is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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