I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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