i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
