we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
