i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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