so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
please don't ironically join a cult
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