On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want a musical about memes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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