He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
