Just fell off a train. Bad.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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