How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
