i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
